A MEXICAN A BLACK A JEW A MUSLIM A WOMAN A GAY PERSON
A MAN DRESSED IN A CONFEDERATE UNIFORM WITH A FLAG A KU KLUX KLAN MEMBER WITH A NOOSE A SOUTHERN GOOD OL’ BOY WITH A GUN A NEO-NAZI IN A NAZI UNIFORM
THE TRUMP-NIXON DIALOGUE
[INT: Center Stage two chairs with Nixon on right center and Trump on left center. They can either wear Nixon and Trump masks, face cutouts, or even be made up to look like them. Five stools appear on downstage right to be taken by a Mexican, a Black, A Jew, A Muslim, A Woman, and a Gay person when Nixon and Trump start to talk about them. At the end of the play downstage left a group appears consisting of a white male in a confederate uniform with a flag, a KKK in a sheet and hood holding a noose, a Southern Good Ol’ Boy in camouflage holding a gun, and a Neo-Nazi in a Nazi uniform.]
NARRATOR
The American writer Mark Twain once said that history does not repeat itself, but sometimes it rhymes. Rhymes, however, are a pleasing sound to most people from the nursery rhymes we learn as a child or in poems and songs we enjoy. The repetition of the same sound is pleasing to the ear, and in that sense, what you are about to hear will probably not have that effect. We can tell a great deal about the character of a person from the words they choose and the things they say. While history may not exactly repeat itself, in the case of these two men of politics and the actual words they uttered, the resemblance is uncanny. Nixon and Trump met in Texas in March, 1989, and this is the kind of dialogue that one suspects might have taken place. None of what you are about to hear was made up. These are their true statements and while they may not rhyme, they certainly echo each other.
[A Mexican enters and sits on a stool to the left of the stage]
NIXON “The Mexicans are a different cup of tea. They have a heritage. At the present time they steal, they’re dishonest, but they do have some concept of family life. They don’t live like a bunch of dogs, which the Negroes do live like.”
TRUMP “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best….They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us…They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists…And some, I assume, are good people…”
NIXON “That’s the problem, finding a Mexican that is honest. The Italians have somewhat the same problem…..With blacks you look the other way. The same with Mexicans, you’ve got to look the other way. You’ve got to find one who’s honest.”
TRUMP “…..Sadly, the overwhelming amount of violence crimes in our major cities are committed by blacks and Hispanics.”
[A Black enters and sits on a stool to the left of the stage]
NIXON “I have the greatest affection for [the Negroes] but I know they’re not going to make it for 500 years. They aren’t. You know it, too.”
TRUMP “Blacks are lazy…it’s probably not their fault because laziness is a trait in blacks. It really is, I believe that. It’s not anything they can control.”
NIXON “With blacks, you can usually settle for an incompetent because there are just not enough competent ones, and so you put incompetents in and get along with them because the symbolism is vitally important. You have to show you care.”
TRUMP “The Justice Department sued my company for not renting apartments to Black people…absolutely ridiculous…that I would offer blacks different rental conditions or lie to those people about apartments being available….so I settled the suit by agreeing not to discriminate…three years later they sued me again for telling Blacks there were no apartments available……..I haven’t got a racist bone in my body.”
NIXON “Black people couldn’t run Jamaica….”Blacks can’t run it. Nowhere, and they won’t be able to for a hundred years, and maybe not for a thousand….Do you know, maybe one black country that’s well run?”
TRUMP “I hated having Black guys count my money [in the Casino]…the only guy I want counting my money are short guys who wear yarmulkes—-Jews.”
[A Jew enters and sits on a stool to the left of the stage]
NIXON “The Jews are irreligious, atheistic, immoral bunch of bastards…..The Jews are just a very aggressive and abrasive and obnoxious personality.”
TRUMP “I told them I’m a negotiator, like you folks.”
NIXON “The Jewish cabal is out to get me.”
TRUMP “I told them ‘You’re not going to support me, because I don’t want your money. You want to control your own politicians.”
NIXON “No Jews. We are adamant when I say no Jews [for appointees]….But Mexicans are important, Italians, Eastern Europeans. That sort of thing……As long as I’m sitting in the chair, there’s not going to be any Jew appointed to that court. No Jew can be right on the criminal law issue.”
[A Muslim enters and sits on a stool to the left of the stage]
TRUMP “I love the Muslims…..many Muslims are friends of mine…..but there’s a tremendous section and cross-section of Muslims living in our country who have tremendous animosity…..[and] I’m calling for surveillance against mosques and a database for all Muslims living in the U.S.”
NIXON “They put the Jewish interest above America’s interest, and it’s about goddamn time that the Jew in America realizes that he’s an American first and a Jew second….Reverend Billy Graham told me that Jews have a ‘stranglehold’ on the media that “has to be broken or the country’s going down the drain……I can’t ever say that, but I believe it.”
[A Woman enters and sits on a stool to the left of the stage]
TRUMP “You know, it doesn’t really matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass…..Rosie O’Donnell is disgusting, both inside and out. If you take a look at her, she’s a slob. How does she even get on television? If I were running ‘The View,’ I’d fire Rosie. I’d look her right in that fat, ugly face of hers and say, ‘Rosie, you’re fired.’ ”
NIXON “I’m not for women, frankly, in any job. I don’t want any of them around. Thank God we don’t have any in the Cabinet.”
TRUMP “You have to treat ‘em like shit.”
NIXON “I don’t think women should be in any government job whatever. I mean, I really don’t. The reason why I do is mainly because they are erratic and emotional.”
TRUMP “I think that putting a wife to work is a very dangerous thing. Unfortunately, after they’re a star, the fun is over for me. It’s like a creation process. It’s almost like creating a building. It’s pretty sad.”
NIXON “A pain the neck, very difficult to handle……really not worth the effort.”
TRUMP “…..I just start kissing them….Grab them by the pussy….when you’re a star, they let you do it!”
NIXON “Throughout twenty-one years I have not altered my belief that equal rights for women warrant a Constitutional guarantee---and I therefore continue to favor the enactment of the Constitutional Amendment to achieve this goal.”
[A Gay Man enters and sits on a stool to the left of the stage]
TRUMP “I would strongly consider [overruling same-sex marriage]… I’m a traditionalist.”
NIXON “Let me say something before we get off this gay thing. I don’t want my views misunderstood. I am the most tolerant person on that of anybody in this shop. They have a problem. They’re born that way. I know that. That’s all. I think they are. Anyway, my point is, though when I say they’re born that way, the tendency is there.”
TRUMP “It’s weird. You see these great [golf] players with these really long putters…and I hate it. I’m a traditionalist.”
NIXON “Virile, strong, this and that….I don’t mind the homosexuality. I understand it. Nevertheless, goddamn, I don’t think you glorify it on public television, homosexuality, even more than you glorify whores. We all know we have weaknesses. But, goddammit, what do you think that does to kids? You know what happened to the Greeks! Homosexuality destroyed them. Sure Socrates was a homo. We all know that. So was Plato. You know what happened to the Romans? The last six Roman emperors were fags. Nero had a public wedding with a boy. You know what happened to the Popes? They were layin’ the nuns; that’s been goin’ on for years, centuries. But the Catholic Church went to hell three or four centuries ago. It was homosexual, and it had to be cleaned out. That’s what happened to Britain. It happened earlier in France. Let’s look at strong societies. The Russians. Goddamn, they root ‘em out. They don’t let ‘em around at all. I don’t know what they do with them. Look at this country.”
TRUMP [Holding up his hands] “...And my hands are normal hands….”
NIXON “Oscar Wilde, Aristotle, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, were all homosexuals.”
TRUMP [Still looking at his hands] “In fact, I buy a slightly smaller than large glove.”
NIXON “You think the Russians allow dope? Homosexuality, dope, immorality, are the enemies of strong societies…I can’t shake hands with anybody from San Francisco. Decorators…..You know one of the reasons fashions have made women look so terrible is because the goddamned designers hate women. Designers taking it out on the women.”
TRUMP “They asked me “how are you going to change the Miss Universe pageant? I said ‘I’m going to get the bathing suits to be smaller and the heels to be higher.”
NIXON [Long Pause……….] “Now listen here: Printing top secret information. I don’t care how they feel about the war. Whether they’re for or against it. They can’t and should not do this and attack the integrity of the government and by God, I’m gonna fight that son of a bitching paper. They don’t know what’s gonna hit them now.”
TRUMP “Journalists are dishonest, disgusting, scum…They’re gonna have such problems…I’m going to open up our libel laws, so when they write purposely negative and horrible and false articles, we can sue them and win lots of money…..we’re going to have people sue you like you’ve never got sued before…..I’m running against the crooked media……The media poisons the mind of the American voter. They really do. It’s unfair. But the thing is, the American voter is really smart. I mean, I’m going to see how smart they are, but the American voter, I think the American voter is smarter than the media.”
NIXON “Men of intellectual and moral eminence who encourage public disobedience of the law are responsible for the acts of those who inevitably follow their counsel: the poor, the ignorant and the impressionable.”
TRUMP “The attacks on our police, and the terrorism in our cities, threaten our very way of life. Any politician who does not grasp this danger is not fit to lead our country.”
NIXON “There can be no right to revolt in this society; no right to demonstrate outside the law, and in Lincoln’s words, ‘no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law.”
TRUMP “I am the law and order candidate…….an attack on law enforcement is an attack on all Americans.”
NIXON “There is an international disease which feeds on the notion that if you have a cause to defend, you can use any means to further your cause, since the end justifies the means….No cause justifies violence as long as the system provides for change by peaceful means.”
TRUMP “Nobody knows the system better than me….which is why I alone can fix it.”
NIXON “If when the chips are down, the world’s most powerful nation, the United States of America, acts like a pitiful, helpless giant, the forces of totalitarianism and anarchy will threaten free nations and free institutions throughout the world.”
TRUMP “I make this promise: we will make American strong again. We will make America proud again. We will make American safe again and we will make American great again.”
NIXON “Any nation that decides the only way to achieve peace is through peaceful means is a nation that will soon be a piece of another nation.”
TRUMP “We can’t continue to allow China to rape our country, and that’s what they’re doing…”
NIXON “You never can predict who the Chinese are…..Because they are Chinese, not because they are Communists. The Russian are more predictable because they’re doctrinaire.”
TRUMP “They [the Chinese] have ripped us to shreds. Putin…..he is very much a leader. The man has very strong control over his country.”
NIXON “Well, you can just stop and think of what could happen if anybody with a decent system of government got control of that mainland. Good God. There’d be no power in the world that could even—I mean, you put 800 million Chinese to work under a decent system and they will be the leaders of the world.”
TRUMP “Ripped us absolutely to shreds.”
NIXON “I told Kissinger about Vietnam “No, no no, I’d rather use the nuclear bomb. Have you got that, Henry?…The nuclear bomb, does that bother you? I just want you to think big, Henry, for Christ sakes.”
TRUMP “You have to think anyway, so why not think big?”
NIXON “I call it the Madman Theory….I want the North Vietnamese to believe I’ve reached the point where I might do anything to stop the war. We’ll just slip the word to them that, for God’s sake, you know Nixon is obsessed about Communism. We can’t restrain him when he’s angry and he has his hand on the nuclear button and Ho Chi Minh himself will be in Paris in two days begging for peace.”
TRUMP “I said ‘I could shoot people and I wouldn’t lose voters.”
NIXON “Being controversial in politics is inevitable. If an individual wants to be a leader and isn’t controversial, that means he never stood for anything. In the world today, there are not many good choices—only choices between the half-good and the less half-good.”
TRUMP “I’m going to build a wall along the Mexican border, ban Muslims from entering the country, repeal abortion and Obamacare...[A leader of the Virginia KKK said] “The reason a lot of Klan members like Donald Trump is because a lot of what he believes, we believe in [and somebody named David Duke said] “God Bless Donald Trump! It’s time to do the right thing, it’s time to TAKE AMERICA BACK.”
NIXON “When the President does it, that means that it is not illegal…..I believe that…..If you are going to lie, you go to jail for the lie rather than the crime. So believe me, don’t ever lie.”
TRUMP “The president can’t have a conflict of interest……Look, I went to an Ivy League school. I was a good student. I’m a very smart person. I know what I’m saying.”
NIXON [put Nixon in a spotlight and as he speaks another spotlight focuses on the Mexican, Black, Muslim, Woman, and Gay person sitting on the stools on the left of the stage.]
“Well……I firmly believe that what unites America today is infinitely more important than those things which divide us. We are united Americans—North, East, West, and South…..”
TRUMP [put Trump in a spotlight and then a spotlight on the right shows a white male in Confederate uniform and flag, a KKK in white hood and dress, a Southern Good ‘Ol Boy with a gun, and a tattooed Neo-Nazi Skinhead in Nazi uniform with a sign about Jews.]
“It is my prayer that….we begin to heal our divisions and move forward as one country, strengthened by shared purpose and very, very common resolve…..It’s time to restore the bonds of trust between citizens, because when America is unified there is nothing beyond our reach.”
[Lights dim on Nixon and Trump and continue to focus on the two groups on either side of the stage who turn and face each other, the group on the right turns their back on those on the left, then the spotlights are turned off.]